how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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