Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
