I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
