No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it was like eating out sand paper
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
