the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I want is dick and wine.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize