so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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