Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
