So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize