I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
