talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
