Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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