Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
