i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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