and i looked up. we had an audience...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
