im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
