My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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