Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
