I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
