he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I will die if light touches me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize