im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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