So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
