there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize