I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
