Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
