i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
