you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Damn victory sex feels great
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
