my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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