it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
