the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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