I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
