ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
