I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
