i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
