Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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