I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
this will be a night to untag.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
