First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
