Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
