Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
