dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
