I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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