At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
