He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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