She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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