We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
