No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
