Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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