In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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