Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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