Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
