I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize