The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
