My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
