You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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