Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
