the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
