Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
