You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
