I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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