Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
