i barfeds in our rink
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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