don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
