Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize