i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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