I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
