You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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