He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
