So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
