I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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