you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
